Hello
If you've stumbled across this page, then no doubt you are either looking into or undertaking fertility treatment. This may be for a number of reasons; you've been trying to conceive for a while; you're in a same sex couple; you are a single wannabe parent....nevertheless, the common goal is the same.....to have a baby 👶🐣
A little bit about me.....I'm a 37year old female (38 is creeping on me) and I'm in a same sex marriage. Up until last year, we had no inclinations of having children. We'd occasionally check in with each if we had changed our minds but enjoyed our freedom and extra disposable income. We are what the sales industry calls "DINKs" Double Income No Kids....every retailers best friend!!
What changed? If I'm perfectly honest, I'd seen a baby chuck up in its mums hair and her scurry off to the toilets with babe in arms and 10000 muslims....not sure what the selling point was but the moment of chaos was quite appealing. We were at a garden centre at the time, and I couldn't stop thinking about having our own child and walking around with a pram. It was definitely broodiness setting in. When we got home, I opened up the discussion again and to my suprise my wife had been having similar thoughts.
Being in a same sex relationship does has its advantages when it comes to baby making, in that you don't have to worry about contraception for a start and if you do want to start a family, then you have to plan and discuss your decision....no unplanned pregnancies here! That's about where the advantages stop and then you delve into the world of fertility and my o my what an industry it is...
This blog is to help capture my experience and process some of the thoughts and feelings which I experience as me and my wife go through this process, but also to lay down some facts and opinions which I wish I had known prior to starting....giving you the basic principles for any beginner, the 101
(disclaimer: I am not medically trained and all information is based on my own experience)
Fertility Clinics
After making the decision to start a family, we needed to decide on a clinic. For us, this was a relatively straightforward decision. We simply googled fertility treatments nearby and checked out their websites.
I would recommend, if possible, going local. We have chosen one which is within a 10 minute drive which is good when you need to attend appointments at short notice (which you will!) This process is tiring in itself so not having a large travel time on top of the appointment means more time for you, less stress in having to get to appointments on time, less requirement to have time off work for travel and more flexibility for your partner or a support to come with you.
I'd always advise to enquire with the fertility clinics, by phone or email and see if you like how they sound. Is there response polite and timely...this usually indicates how they run as a practice. Also enquire about lead times for appointments - we had to wait a month before our initial consultation due to the consultant being on leave but I understand that wait times have also been impacted by covid.
Many practices as well hold open evenings or online events. We attended one which was hosted by the practice we went with and we liked how informative they were and respectful. We also liked the terminology on the website for same sex couples. I didn't think this was important to me, but only through cross comparison of the different websites did I get a feel for their understanding of our position.
Treatments
The most familiar fertility treatment is IVF or to give it it's full title, In vitro fertilization which by definition is a medical procedure whereby an egg is fertilized by sperm in a test tube or elsewhere outside the body.
The other variations of this which I am familiar with is ICSI, Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection. Usually used for the treatment of severe cases of male-factor infertility (low sperm count) which is similar to IVF but involves the injection of a single sperm directly into a mature egg.
The next is IUI (this is what we are going to have) Intrauterine insemination, a type of fertility treatment that involves placing sperm inside a woman's uterus close to the fallopian tubes in order to increase the chances of conceiving. Essentially the sperm equivalent to an uber!
Success Rates
Most websites should contain success rates but in all honesty, they'll publish what they want you to know. I'm still astonished to this day that people become pregnant through natural causes because the success rate is so tiny! Apparently, to conceive naturally there's a 12% chance within a window of time when the woman is ovulating which is a couple of days within a month. Then if you are incredibly lucky to get pregnant, you have a 1 in 4 chance of a miscarriage. Makes for grim reading! Success rates in fertility aren't any better. You would think with medical intervention and monitoring that they could guarantee you a baby at the end of it but no!
Terminology
What strikes me most about the fertility world is that there is this complete new language and almost everyone talks in code...I'm not referring to the medical professionals but to anyone undergoing treatment. I started following a few accounts on Insta, as we haven't openly shared our decision to start a family and I wanted to connect with people in a similar boat. It's just a torrent of abbreviations and jargon. Here are some of the most common terms:
- TWW - Two week wait (the time required between your treatment and taking a pregnancy test)
- BFN - Big fat negative (pregnancy test)
- BFP - Big fat positive (pregnancy test)
- Stims - Stimulation medication (hormone injections)
- DPO - Days past ovulation
Personally, as somebody who is new to treatment, this terminology can feel quite off putting with wanting to connect with people and if chatting I avoid using it but I guess it's each to their own.
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